Week 9. January 2010.

THE MENNONITES:

When you think cruisers out of Louisiana you think of families from Missouri and Texas, wild beer loving rednecks, retired oil workers, and European tourists visiting America’s rebuilt New Orleans. But, there is one very unexpected group that is present on every cruise thus far in my 9 weeks... the Mennonites. Their women wear long Little House on the Prairie dresses, a tight bun modestly covered with a lace doily (some call it a chignon), and running sneakers. These women seem like a walking anachronism as the digital cameras dangle from their necks. They are the like the Amish with electricity. Their men, clad in jeans and polo’s with thin white suspenders and horrible bowl-cut hair ala Children of the Corn, eat apart from the women and are always in the Guest Gym doing resistance training. They swim in full clothes, long dresses floating in the pool or jeans and suspenders. And I just don’t get it. Why are they on a cruise? This is a week of drinking, gambling, and hot tubbing. This isn’t the most wholesome form of vacationing.

QUEST: There is this game show that they play on the final night of the cruise. It is somewhere between a Japanese game show and a Frat party. It is called QUEST! Guests get into teams and get a team number. It starts off simple – the host will ask who is carrying a piece of fruit. And people innocently run up on stage with fruit from their purses and hold up their team number. Each time they run up with the desired item, they are rewarded a point. The host might ask for someone with a tattoo, lip-gloss, to dance the Macarena or the Carlton dance (yup, from Fresh Prince of Belle Air, not sure how that made it over to Pilipino culture, but it did)

That’s how the game starts... but inevitably the competitive spirit and the alcohol take over and the game gets a little riskier. The host will ask people to run up and get into a sexual position (extra points for creativity), take off their bra and jump up and down, lick an old guy’s bare chest, or have two men spoon on the floor. And these passengers are intent on winning. It is crazy to see old grannies on all fours in front of a random college-age guy on their team who mimes whipping her. All inhibitions are thrown aside.

The grand finale: the host asks two people from each team to come up on stage, and then they have 45 seconds to completely swap clothes. Sure, they turn off the lights, but you can see everything... and I mean everything. Maybe because it is the last night of the cruise and people are out of clean laundry, or maybe I’m the only person in the world who still wears underpants, but I can tell you, I am amazed at how many naked butts and other parts I have unwillingly seen from backstage. The winner used to get a digital camera. Pretty good prize. Now, they just give them a bucket of beer. But this has, in no way, discouraged the depravity. I’m always dumbstruck by the success of this show! And I have seen more ugly boobies than I care to write about.

El TOILETO: I am an American with a bad habit, I try to flush toilet paper. As most of you already know Mexico is hot. Really hot. So one must keep hydrated. And naturally when you are constantly drinking water, you need to pee. As some of you may not know, they don’t flush toilet paper in Mexico. There are signs in English and Spanish on the wall of every stall in Mexico reminding you to use the waste paper basket. And still I always forget. The paper doesn’t go down and I habitually drop it in there every time. I feel like they are gong to hunt me down and make me fish it out. I think I will wear an elastic band around my wrist till I can get it. Old habits.

THE LADDER: Last week something crazy happened. Our boat leaves Cozumel at 4:30PM promptly. The ship waits for no one. There have been many times when passengers are left in Mexico and have to find a way back to the US. However, apparently there is another way to try to get on board. This past Friday, at 6PM (an hour and a half after we had left the port), a speedboat from the local officials drives up next to us and tethers itself to our ship while we are moving. Apparently 2 screaming American women were on it. Everyone on the decks moved over to the starboard side of the ship to watch the action adventure that was about to take place. The crew threw down a rope ladder to this drunken and belligerent woman who was demanding that the ship stop. The officials kept trying to explain to her that this is protocol for people that miss the embarkation cut-off. She finally screamed out, “I am an American! You can’t treat me this way! My children are on that boat. It was a frenzy. Finally the officials threw her hat off into the water to let her know they weren’t playing around. In a flash she jumped onto the ladder and climbed like a spider up to a deck where crew members lifted her over the railing. She could have been killed. And I think no one would have minded. Most people couldn’t understand how she left her kids on the boat while she went and got hammered in Mexico all day and night. Crazy!

Groundhog Life. January 2010, Part Two.

Good news: Jeff and I have been offered another job And it couldn’t be better. We are joining the inaugural cast of the
newest ship to join the fleet. It is a 19 –Deck,
6000-passenger ship complete with a bowling alley, a water park, and
our own cabaret theatre space. We are excited! We will be rehearsing in
France and Amsterdam and London for a month! We start rehearsal in
late May in Chicago and then fly over to Europe. So we are homeless
for the month of April – anyone in LA or RI have a couch?

We are finally into a little routine here on the boat. Sometimes it
feels like being on a 7-day-cruise schedule can start to feel like you
are living “Groundhog Day”. Each week is a copy of the last. I define
each day by menus (“Oooh, it’s pumpkin lasagna day” or “Oh it’s
meatball sub day!”). And while the food stays the same, every once in
a while we get some changes in the routine. This was one of those
weeks.

Routine Sunday: 8AM off the ship and onto sweet American soil. First
stop – Starbucks, Internet and Amazon, call the family, and check up
on the cat in LA. Four hours left to hop a bus to Target and then to
the local mall.

When I re-enter the ship from New Orleans at 3:30PM, my arms are
burdened with bags of bottled water and new clothes. The ship is
bursting with new passengers, a bunch of excited and overwhelmed
tourists in big winter coats bouncing off one another as they wander
around the ship looking everywhere but forward. Cameras are flashing
like crazy. The passenger boat drills begin by 5PM, so I have just
enough time to do my on-ship errands of getting mail and getting a
plate of yummy spaghetti. Then to my cabin for what I like to call my
“long winters nap”. By night, the ship is abuzz with live music and
crowds of nicely dressed drunks. I’m asleep by 10:30PM.

This past Sunday: We had to participate in a 6AM Immigration Check.
Then we moved to another cabin, again, because the new magician is on
board, so we got upgraded! We are living together again, which is
nice, and even nicer.... Our current abode is a huge. It has a love
seat, big bathroom, and more cable stations! I have been watching Law
and Order -- the “Ga- Gunk” of each graphic, the final ironic piece of
dialogue to close the show, the interrupting phone calls to introduce
new exposition... I love it!

Routine Monday: We are at sea all day. The early morning bingo games,
ballroom dance classes, and art exhibits are packed with blue hairs.
Rascals and motorized wheel chairs line the outside of the game rooms.
We eat dinner around 7:30 with the cast. This is chicken piccata
night. The casino is rocking into the wee hours.

They do this show on board called Shippenmales. It is a male
striptease review starring the Argentinean guy who runs excursions,
one of the singers from the production cast (who looks like a seventh grader,
he recently played Peter Pan for Disney), and the cruise director. Occasionally
the Russian acrobat will also participate. The cruise director, who sound exactly

like the Geico gecko, hosts the show with hilarious play-by-play narrative.

At the end of the show they do this

bit where the other strippers pretend to make Paul strip as well. He
faux-protests and then proceeds to perform a provocative tease to the
Moulin Rouge version of the Police’s “Roxanne”. He always grabs a
woman from the audience and does a silly S&M style number where he
gets her to whip him and smoke his cigarette and then he romantically
carries her off stage. It always kills.

This Past Monday: The cruise Director is up on stage, the music swells and he
grabs his “victim”, a woman in a motorized wheelchair who is
celebrating her 80th birthday. Needless to say, she couldn’t get out
of her chair and dance with him. And then when he did his sexy
cigarette bit, her son frantically ran up to the stage and made him
put it out since she was attached to an oxygen tank. The big finale
shtick, he tries to lift her out of the chair and carry her off stage,
her son runs up again to object... so he thought fast to just roll
her, but apparently the battery on her chair had suddenly died during
the act. All of the strippers and some audience volunteers had to
awkwardly lift the chair with her in it over to an electrical outlet.
Hilariously embarrassing. And worth many retellings for the next 2
months!

Routine Tuesday: Tuesdays equal taco-lunches and honey crème Brule at
dinner. Hung-over guests hit the beach in Costa Maya curing their
ailments with more drinking, sun, and Mexican food That night they
move stiffly from over-drinking and sunburn. Never fails.

We go to the beach and speak a lot of Spanish in Costa Maya. We also
go to an Internet café owned by this guy from Pittsburgh who calls
himself Loco Ricky (his name is Larry?). He looks like the black
Beetle Juice. He is really charismatic, and is usually making the
rounds from table to table to talk about his Harley, speak spanglish
with the locals, or boast about his award-winning pizza crust.

Sad Tuesday: When we arrived at Loco Ricky’s Café, Larry was quiet and
drawn. The night before, their chef, a 23-year-old guy named Topo,
died in a moped accident. There were religious icon candles around the
closed kitchen. And everyone was talking in whispers. We stayed for
a while to talk to Larry as he told us heroic tales of Topo (people
always so that when someone dies. I think that’s a good thing). When
he left for the funeral we caught a cab back to the ship.

Then I couldn’t sleep, so I went out to the deck and watched the soapy
foam on the ocean. I should do that more, it’s so pretty.

Routine Wednesday – We have an 11AM tech run. And shows at night.

This Wednesday – We had to participate in the Crew Safety drill at
9AM. Basically we stood on a deck wearing lifejackets, and watched
the small boats get launched one-by-one into the sea. They looked like
little bath toys. That night we did two shows! Rocked it!

Our rehearsal was cancelled because apparently the new Magician’s
assistant is having trouble levitating. I wish I made this shit up!

Routine Thursday –I rarely get off the ship in Belize because the
tender boats to the island make me motion-sick. And I also like to
hide in my cabin and do my Billy Blanks Tae Bo DVD. Most of the
guests know who we are, so we all keep a low profile on this day. If
I go anywhere, I wear a baseball hat and sunglasses (like a People
magazine celebrity caught buying groceries or getting gas). It’s
ridiculous but necessary if you want to get to your destination in a
reasonable amount of time. No one else in the cast has it as bad as
me because my hair is so recognizable. But sometimes people say the
nicest things. One woman came up to me and said, ” I feel like you are
my friend. You are my funny friend. And you made our vacation so
much better”. The power of laughter!

This past Thursday: I ate 2 dinners – yup- the food looked so yummy!
Oh, Billy Blanks is not going to be pleased! That night the Cruise
Director asked me to do a show called The Liar’s Club (aka Balderdash
meet Hollywood Squares). I made dirty jokes about Tiger Woods and
then went up to the top deck for the weekly crew party! And for the
first time on board – and frankly, in about a year – I drank alcohol!
I’d been told by many crew that vodka prevents the GI infection. I
thought I’d self-medicate. (BTW, my current health update is normal
and digesting! Yay!).

Friday – Cozumel – a land of free wi-fi and Starbucks. I spend my day on line.

This past Friday: My flip-flop broke so I tied a ribbon around my foot
to fasten the bottom of the shoe to my foot. I hobbled around until I
found a place that sold flip-flops.

The Captain invited us to dinner. We are hoping to get to eat with
him in a couple of weeks. He is really nice. He told us, get this,
that it costs $310,000 to gas the ship for ONE week!

Saturday- It hasn’t happened yet, but I have no expectations of
anything normal.

I hope all of your lives are filled with little surprises each day.
And I hope you laugh as they happen rather in hindsight!

Xmas Quarentine. December 2009.

Hello All,
Merry Week to all of you. Our week? Well, funny you should ask...

Jeff celebrated his birthday this week by SCUBA diving for the first
time in Belize. And a big group of people from Kansas who loved Jeff
surrounded our table at dinner and sang the Birthday Song to him. I
decorated the cabin with balloons and we sang karaoke.

That was Christmas Eve. And now, my Christmas...

As you all know, I am a Christmas FANATIC. I love for the lights, the
carols, and the general spirit of the season.

I expected an unusual Christmas this year with being on a boat in the
middle of Mexico with only Jeff. So I planned ahead by decorating our
cabin with all of your cards (thank you), and lots of Mexican holiday
novelties that I purchased these last few weeks, most especially a
kitschy Mexican nativity to make us feel bright. Through out the week
we watched childhood xmas movies to fill our spirits. We held out on
opening up packages from my sisters and mom, we waited to watch videos
(thank you Lauren and Andy) from our “LA family”. I even wrote a
couple of Christmas sketches that got approved to be in the big
Christmas show on the Ship. I had covered all of my bases so I would
be feel the holiday cheer.

That is until the night before Christmas, Christmas Eve, Jeff’s
birthday – just after dinner... I started coughing and feeling so
ill. By Christmas morning I could barely muster up the energy to open
presents or drink cocoa. After visiting the ship’s doctor, I was
QUARENTINED to my cabin for TWENTY-FOUR HOURS! I had an upper GI
infection and bronchitis for which I have to use an inhaler.

Getting better. Shows continue to be great! Met some parents from Agoura High School Improv Team who recognized me from the Summer
Camp.

I look forward to New Year's Eve and next year's Christmas! love you
all. Keep writing.

Movin' on U-u-up! January 2010.

Happy New Year! We celebrated by dancing under the stars of the
Caribbean alongside a 2010 ice sculpture, loads of noisemakers and
streamers, and champagne that tasted like Italian dressing (blech). As
you expect, a Conga line was formed.

Things continue to be surreal around here. We live like prison
celebrities (if there is such a thing). We can’t really do anything
for ourselves and must stay on this floating city most of the time.
We used to love not having to cook, clean, or fend for ourselves.
Now, it feels a little captive. And by Wednesday night, after our
shows, everyone on the ship knows who we are and wants a piece of us
in some way. So, we aren’t just performing for the “fans”, we are then
having to live with them. It is so strange!

It’s amazing to me how adored you are when you can make someone laugh.
It’s sort of magical. The audience also feels this familiarity and
ownership of us. People come up and grab me or hug me or say stuff
like, “C’mere honey.” And at first I am paranoid that I must know them
from somewhere because they are so hands-on with me. It takes me a
sec to realize that I indeed do not know them and that they were one
of the 2000+ people in our audience. I get confused.

Often passengers approach us for photos which is always sort of
awkward since it’s usually when we’re eating, or sweating from the
gym, or exiting a bathroom stall. I know I should be flattered and
often I genuinely am. They full of lovely compliments, but there is
always an ulterior motive for the approach. Usually it is one of
three things:

1. To tell me about how their kid was the lead in their school play
and how Second City is their dream job. All while the adolescent
stands their either looking humiliated or dead in your eye as if they
expect you to be wildly impressed by their resume (I always feign
enthusiasm since I am so worried I could be discouraging the next
Meryl Streep if I don’t). And the parent will ask how can you help
them to get into the company, to which I have no idea how to reply. I
just say some cliché remark about working hard and taking classes.

Or...
2. To tell me a joke that kills at all of their office parties. It’s
NEVER funny.

Or...
3. To pitch sketch ideas for our show, “You know what you guys should
do in your next show... (Insert a racial joke about Mexican merchants,
or the Philipino bar staff, or the incessant hand washing here).”

And it’s all too weird.

Speaking of hand washing. I am still afflicted with the GI virus
(called the Norovirus for those medical science geeks). It’s been 9
days. Although I haven’t been on a scale since October, my guess is I
have lost another 2 sizes since my clothes are HUGE! I am aware this
is not a good thing, but I look great!

And finally...

The Miami booking office for Norwegian Cruise Line screwed up the
berthing list so 4 of our cast, including Jeff and I, had to change
cabins. We packed up all of our heavy suitcases and lugged them to our
new and separate homes. It’s odd how quickly one gets used to the
idea of “home”. I can’t help but thinking that someone else is in OUR
cabin even though we only lived there for 6 weeks. I am in a Boundary
Cabin, which is like a passenger-single, but in a crew area. Jeff was
not so lucky, as he is down in the bowels of the ship in a tiny crew
cabin. But he gets Internet from his cabin, so no complaints. And
strangely enough, living in separate cabins is sort of romantic in a
college dorm kind of way.

The fun part of it all is that when I go visit him on his deck, it’s
an adventure each time! In the crew area of the fourth deck of the
ship, there is an enormous grey hallway used for luggage carts, for
loading and unloading. The crew refers to it as “I-95” because it is
always so busy and fast. Jeff lives just off of I-95. On this main
thoroughfare there is often dance music playing. These are familiar
US pop songs redone in Tagalong or Spanish. I’ve noticed that one can
never just walk down I-95. You are involuntarily compelled to groove.
So there is a certain fun energy to the hallway. It’s hilarious to
watch.

I also snuck in to the crew Laundry Room (also off the I-95) and did
my own laundry last night. I wanted to feel like a normal person for
5 minutes. Turns out the machines are European, so one washing cycle
takes 3 hours. The dryer is ineffective unless you let it run for 2
hours! I was up until 3AM and still hadn’t gotten it all done.
Serves me right for not accepting the gifts and privileges of being a
Guest Entertainer (like free laundry service).

Jeff and I have never been more in awe of one another’s talents.
Another gift of this job. And we are continuing to use our time well
by working on creative projects and enjoying the ride! We will be
discussing another contract tomorrow. Stay tuned...

She's like the Wind...Late December 2009.

Last night I slept about 10 minutes total. I spent the entire evening

jaw-clenched, using every neck, shoulder, and skull muscle to keep

from feeling dizzy and avoiding sea-sickness. That wind made for a

rough ride. I felt like a bobble head. It was like only getting the

bad part of being drunk.

The wind carried some interesting smells this week as well. There was

a passenger who was smoking some questionable leaves in a nearby

cabin. The fresh scent of marijuana danced through the halls of Deck

11 and blew into the nostrils of a Security Officer who inspected the

room of the culprit and then “dropped him off” in Belize. Yikes.

Jeff also had a brush with the “Law” this week. He was held in the

Ship Security office and questioned for 45 minutes. Although we have

guest privileges, sometimes the Security staff doesn’t know when to

let us off the boat. As crew or guests? So, when the officer in

charge swiped Jeff’s card and let him off the boat in the early

morning, when he returned a few hours later, the new officer on duty

couldn’t verify that he was allowed to have gotten off earlier that

day. So they had to make sure he wasn’t some dangerous Mexican

criminal trying to get on the boat by making him sit in a chair in

their office and arguing over who’s error it was to let him off the

boat. Silly.

Fun Little Tid-Bits:

We celebrated the company's 50th Anniversary on Wednesday. The

kitchen made an enormous cake and we took a photo with the Captain,

the Cruise Director, some officers, and about 250 passengers.

They started playing the Jackson 5 Christmas Album in all of the

corridors. L-O-V-E it!

A tiny Japanese woman came running up to me with utter excitement

after our first show. She held her fist in front of her mouth as if

to indicate that she recognized me as someone who used a microphone

and then said a bunch of Japanese words and repeated “ you make-a so

funny, you make-a so funny” over and over again. I should mention

that the other hand was cupping and SHAKING my left boob the entire

time. Yup, I got felt up by a sweet Japanese woman. Is that

cultural? I didn’t want to stop her and be rude. Something tells me

I might have made the wrong call on that one.

Sometimes on Sundays (aka New Orleans day), I get to see Jen Kober,my bestie! It is so great when that happens! She is shooting am HBO series down here. I am so proud of her! More to come, mostly want to say i love you all and happy holidays. stay safe.

The Cajun Invasion. December 2009.

My journey continues on this cruise chip. And things get weirder and weirder...

The Strike: There is a bus strike in Guatemala, so we had to port in Honduras this week. Honduras is not really what I expected. There were bright buildings and English spoken everywhere. It seemed more like Bermuda with Starbucks-type cafes. I had an iced mocha whipped. Weird.

The Cajuns: There is a large group (over 150 people) that invaded the boat this week. Aside from the missing teeth, alcohol problem, and unintelligible speech, they all have another major thing in common - they love Cajun music. Apparently there is a Cajun radio-station-sponsored event on board I wish I could rise above being so affected by it, but, every night this week, a live Cajun concert occurs on the other side of my cabin wall. My made of metal cabin wall. So from 8:00PM-1:00AM I hear zydeco music and hoots and hollers, and feel the shocking vibration on my made-of-tin walls as a result of the band on the other side of it. I think I have unrecoverable ear damage.

The GI Outbreak: In other ship news, there is a “code red” on the ship. People are very ill since there is this intestinal virus spreading like wild-fire. All of the crew, including the jazz band, dancers, and librarians are spraying guests’ hands religiously. We are not allowed to go near any food and must choose our helpings at the buffet from a long distance. There are gates around all food, drink, and snack areas. We can’t even squeeze our own ketchup. We are served everything at the end of long tongs... And I hear this every day at lunch: ”No, a Bre-yest of chyicken. A BREY-est, sir. Uh-uh, that thar’s a laayg.” The crew on food duty not only has to endure entitled passengers, but now they have to go change clothes every few hours to ensure they aren’t carrying germs. It’s like Outbreak – but without the cute monkey.

I am still spoiled by this job. I still love it regardless of the oddities... We only worked 2 days this week. So we fill our time playing Taboo in the game room, watching movies on our laptops, and getting burned at exotic and beautiful beaches. I went swimming in the rain in Costa Maya! So fun!

I miss you all so much! SO MUCH! I get weepy every time I get on facebook. I miss all of your adorable faces and i love hearing about your xmas plans, your kids, and your lives! K.I.T!

Letters from a ship. November 2009.

I have created this blog to keep in touch with family and friends and to journal this unusual adventure. I hope you enjoy.

My new husband and I are doing an improv/ sketch show on a cruise ship. And we love it. We have been figuring out how we are going to fit into this floating circus...

The Ship- We are on a beautiful boat that docks in New Orleans. It has 12 decks. One HUGE theater, 9 main restaurants, a casino, a library, a game room, arcade, a couple of cafes, a gorgeous lobby with a gigantic xmas tree, lots of glass elevators, etc... It is the smallest ship in the fleet! But, it’s huge.

Most of our passengers are from Louisiana, Alabama, and Texas. We travel through the Gulf of Mexico, which we’ve come to know as the “Redneck Riviera”. But, in truth, the audiences are great! A lot of Saints shirts, a lot of buckets of beers, and a lot of nice working-folks looking to enjoy their hard-earned time off.

We get to use all passenger areas... even the Passenger Gym, which I love. Although running on a treadmill that is rocking on the ocean can be hilarious, if not dangerous at times. Another thing that has taken some getting used to is the crew host at each entrance and exit of every room. This host holds a bottle and sprays your hand with anti-bacterial spray. They also have these Germ-Spheres that you put your hand under to get a glop of anti-bacterial liquid. They are fanatical about it due to the Norwalk, Swine Flu, and any G.I. viruses floating along with us.

The Politics- The crew is mostly Pilipino. It is a mafia. They are either wonderful or can make your daily life quite difficult. The Cruise Director is this character from England. A young chap, good looking in a tv-game-show-host kind of way. He is an aspiring stand-up comic. Aspiring. Also can be very nice, or can make your life HELL. In both cases, so far so good.

The Cabin- It is decent size. We are in a Guest cabin. A big comfy bed awaits us and the ocean rocks us to sleep at night. I am napping more than I should. Another luxury I have quickly grown accustomed to; our laundry is picked up each day and returned clean and folded a few days later. They sew your name into all of your clothes. It’s so fun! We have an adorable cabin steward named Roldan from the Philippines. Sometimes he makes towel animals for us on our bed, thus far - a Penguin, and a Lobster wearing Jeff’s sunglasses. AMAZING!

I have already hung TONS of Xmas decorations in our cabin. We don’t have a window, but we do have a wall with a window painted on it. So the view from our room is always a sunny tropical island, a parasailing native, and a boat railing. Just like the real thing.

The Food- Is YUMMY! My fear is that I will leave the ship at 250 lbs! We eat in all of the Passenger restaurants. We’ve gone to the buffet (which is literally above our cabin), the fancy sushi bar, the delicious French restaurant (with Versace plates), a banquet type dining room, and another bistro type place. I think we will try one new restaurant a week. The Buffet can be dangerous since it has a chocolate fountain!!! Tonight I ate the most delicious crème brulee in the world! I hate that I know that I can order it for room service 24-hours a day. I promise to never do that!!!

The Shows- Our shows are terrific. We are doing a mostly-scripted sketch show in the big theater (seats 800) on Thursday nights. I have a whole cabaret-Aretha Franklin-style song and dance number in the line-up where I work the crowd, and it stops the show every time. It is so great! And then we do an improv show in a club on Friday and Saturday nights. We usually do four shows a week, sometimes less. We are sort of celebrities on the ship. Our schedule is amazingly light. For the improv, one show is billed as the “Family Improv Show”, and one as the “Adult Improv Show”. The adult show is VERY dirty. I am having a tough time working so blue. Last week I did a scene based on the audience suggestion of “Dildo Salesman”. (I tried the old “Oh, you must be selling bread that tastes like pickles” attempt... Dill-Dough. Yup, I tried. They want DIRTY).

Our cast is fantastic. Jeff and I are the only ones who haven’t worked for this company before. It is such a privilege to be part of it in some way. The history of the this entertainment company is so rich and impressive. So many people already know the brand. The expectations are high, as they should be, but we deliver great shows. And this Theater is celebrating its 50th Anniversary this year. So it is exciting to be around for all of the press and celebrity hubbub!

We occasionally teach an improv workshop to passengers. So, we had to learn ALL about the theater’s 50 years of history. Pretty much anybody who is anybody in American comedy in the last 50 years has worked with them in some capacity. It is so cool to be among the greats even if it’s very far away from them.

The other shows are also good. There is a Broadway Review which is equally cheesy as it is entertaining, and includes bits form Wicked, Hairspray, and Mamma Mia. The Magician on board is great! There is also a Rock n Roll show that is fun! And a Cirque Acrobatic show that is shockingly amazing. It is a husband and wife team. He is Russian, and at one point in the show he says in a VERY thick accent, ”Hokay, now you make a byig applause.” So charming!

The Ports- We port in Costa Maya – It is an oasis for people that love to eat, shop, drink, swim, drink, shop, and drink. There are some excursions, but as soon as you hit land, you enter this kingdom of adult relaxation: massages on the beach, hammocks, a swim-up bar (a pool with a bar in the middle of it, and bar stools under water, while Beyonce or Bob Marley are played on speakers all over the beach). It’s quite decadent.

The next day we visit Guatemala –As soon as you get off the ship here, you have 2 choices, get in a cab and go on an excursion, or risk your life in a local neighborhood. We chose the second option (hmmmm, not so good). As we walked to a nearby restaurant, we were escorted/ followed by some children on bikes. They practiced English with us and I practiced my Spanish. I thought they were just welcoming us until I realized they were waiting for us to finish eating so they could eat the scraps off of our plates. It was so unexpected. I felt sad and shocked. We are going to do a toy drive for them on the ship. Not sure if that will do much. We heard that 3 weeks ago a passenger from our ship went into a local

cemetery here and took pictures. He was shot dead. Irony?

Belize – For this port, we have to take a tender boat to get to shore. I haven’t gone yet, since this is the one day of the week we are actually required to rehearse and do a show. But, I think I will go to Belize next week. I hear it has the best snorkeling and SCUBA on this coast!

Cozumel – It’s fun here! We found a Hotel on the beach with good Mexican food, free Wi-Fi, and a pool. The water is aqua blue. I adore being in a Catholic-based country during Christmas time. The decorations are as wonderfully ridiculous as you’d imagine. And my Spanish is really useful in the tiny shops that we visit. They also have a store called MEGA, it’s like Target with pesos.

New Orleans – This is the day we frantically try to find a good internet spot, and get anything we need at Target, Walmart, and Kinkos. There are crew buses that pick us up right outside of the Port Gates. A round trip to any of the above costs $5. And the bus driver plays booty-bumping hip-hop at a club volume. I am going to try to see more of New Orleans each week. It is such a cool city.

All in all I feel like this was a great decision for Jeff and I to take this job. We are getting a chance to travel, work together, and take advantage of the endless hours of free time by being creative, working on projects, and enjoying one another. I am tan, well-fed, and relaxed. It’s almost too good to be true. But, as the holidays approach, I am already missing you, my friends and family. I miss my cat. I miss reality tv. And I kinda miss driving.I will write again soon.