Letters from a ship. November 2009.

I have created this blog to keep in touch with family and friends and to journal this unusual adventure. I hope you enjoy.

My new husband and I are doing an improv/ sketch show on a cruise ship. And we love it. We have been figuring out how we are going to fit into this floating circus...

The Ship- We are on a beautiful boat that docks in New Orleans. It has 12 decks. One HUGE theater, 9 main restaurants, a casino, a library, a game room, arcade, a couple of cafes, a gorgeous lobby with a gigantic xmas tree, lots of glass elevators, etc... It is the smallest ship in the fleet! But, it’s huge.

Most of our passengers are from Louisiana, Alabama, and Texas. We travel through the Gulf of Mexico, which we’ve come to know as the “Redneck Riviera”. But, in truth, the audiences are great! A lot of Saints shirts, a lot of buckets of beers, and a lot of nice working-folks looking to enjoy their hard-earned time off.

We get to use all passenger areas... even the Passenger Gym, which I love. Although running on a treadmill that is rocking on the ocean can be hilarious, if not dangerous at times. Another thing that has taken some getting used to is the crew host at each entrance and exit of every room. This host holds a bottle and sprays your hand with anti-bacterial spray. They also have these Germ-Spheres that you put your hand under to get a glop of anti-bacterial liquid. They are fanatical about it due to the Norwalk, Swine Flu, and any G.I. viruses floating along with us.

The Politics- The crew is mostly Pilipino. It is a mafia. They are either wonderful or can make your daily life quite difficult. The Cruise Director is this character from England. A young chap, good looking in a tv-game-show-host kind of way. He is an aspiring stand-up comic. Aspiring. Also can be very nice, or can make your life HELL. In both cases, so far so good.

The Cabin- It is decent size. We are in a Guest cabin. A big comfy bed awaits us and the ocean rocks us to sleep at night. I am napping more than I should. Another luxury I have quickly grown accustomed to; our laundry is picked up each day and returned clean and folded a few days later. They sew your name into all of your clothes. It’s so fun! We have an adorable cabin steward named Roldan from the Philippines. Sometimes he makes towel animals for us on our bed, thus far - a Penguin, and a Lobster wearing Jeff’s sunglasses. AMAZING!

I have already hung TONS of Xmas decorations in our cabin. We don’t have a window, but we do have a wall with a window painted on it. So the view from our room is always a sunny tropical island, a parasailing native, and a boat railing. Just like the real thing.

The Food- Is YUMMY! My fear is that I will leave the ship at 250 lbs! We eat in all of the Passenger restaurants. We’ve gone to the buffet (which is literally above our cabin), the fancy sushi bar, the delicious French restaurant (with Versace plates), a banquet type dining room, and another bistro type place. I think we will try one new restaurant a week. The Buffet can be dangerous since it has a chocolate fountain!!! Tonight I ate the most delicious crème brulee in the world! I hate that I know that I can order it for room service 24-hours a day. I promise to never do that!!!

The Shows- Our shows are terrific. We are doing a mostly-scripted sketch show in the big theater (seats 800) on Thursday nights. I have a whole cabaret-Aretha Franklin-style song and dance number in the line-up where I work the crowd, and it stops the show every time. It is so great! And then we do an improv show in a club on Friday and Saturday nights. We usually do four shows a week, sometimes less. We are sort of celebrities on the ship. Our schedule is amazingly light. For the improv, one show is billed as the “Family Improv Show”, and one as the “Adult Improv Show”. The adult show is VERY dirty. I am having a tough time working so blue. Last week I did a scene based on the audience suggestion of “Dildo Salesman”. (I tried the old “Oh, you must be selling bread that tastes like pickles” attempt... Dill-Dough. Yup, I tried. They want DIRTY).

Our cast is fantastic. Jeff and I are the only ones who haven’t worked for this company before. It is such a privilege to be part of it in some way. The history of the this entertainment company is so rich and impressive. So many people already know the brand. The expectations are high, as they should be, but we deliver great shows. And this Theater is celebrating its 50th Anniversary this year. So it is exciting to be around for all of the press and celebrity hubbub!

We occasionally teach an improv workshop to passengers. So, we had to learn ALL about the theater’s 50 years of history. Pretty much anybody who is anybody in American comedy in the last 50 years has worked with them in some capacity. It is so cool to be among the greats even if it’s very far away from them.

The other shows are also good. There is a Broadway Review which is equally cheesy as it is entertaining, and includes bits form Wicked, Hairspray, and Mamma Mia. The Magician on board is great! There is also a Rock n Roll show that is fun! And a Cirque Acrobatic show that is shockingly amazing. It is a husband and wife team. He is Russian, and at one point in the show he says in a VERY thick accent, ”Hokay, now you make a byig applause.” So charming!

The Ports- We port in Costa Maya – It is an oasis for people that love to eat, shop, drink, swim, drink, shop, and drink. There are some excursions, but as soon as you hit land, you enter this kingdom of adult relaxation: massages on the beach, hammocks, a swim-up bar (a pool with a bar in the middle of it, and bar stools under water, while Beyonce or Bob Marley are played on speakers all over the beach). It’s quite decadent.

The next day we visit Guatemala –As soon as you get off the ship here, you have 2 choices, get in a cab and go on an excursion, or risk your life in a local neighborhood. We chose the second option (hmmmm, not so good). As we walked to a nearby restaurant, we were escorted/ followed by some children on bikes. They practiced English with us and I practiced my Spanish. I thought they were just welcoming us until I realized they were waiting for us to finish eating so they could eat the scraps off of our plates. It was so unexpected. I felt sad and shocked. We are going to do a toy drive for them on the ship. Not sure if that will do much. We heard that 3 weeks ago a passenger from our ship went into a local

cemetery here and took pictures. He was shot dead. Irony?

Belize – For this port, we have to take a tender boat to get to shore. I haven’t gone yet, since this is the one day of the week we are actually required to rehearse and do a show. But, I think I will go to Belize next week. I hear it has the best snorkeling and SCUBA on this coast!

Cozumel – It’s fun here! We found a Hotel on the beach with good Mexican food, free Wi-Fi, and a pool. The water is aqua blue. I adore being in a Catholic-based country during Christmas time. The decorations are as wonderfully ridiculous as you’d imagine. And my Spanish is really useful in the tiny shops that we visit. They also have a store called MEGA, it’s like Target with pesos.

New Orleans – This is the day we frantically try to find a good internet spot, and get anything we need at Target, Walmart, and Kinkos. There are crew buses that pick us up right outside of the Port Gates. A round trip to any of the above costs $5. And the bus driver plays booty-bumping hip-hop at a club volume. I am going to try to see more of New Orleans each week. It is such a cool city.

All in all I feel like this was a great decision for Jeff and I to take this job. We are getting a chance to travel, work together, and take advantage of the endless hours of free time by being creative, working on projects, and enjoying one another. I am tan, well-fed, and relaxed. It’s almost too good to be true. But, as the holidays approach, I am already missing you, my friends and family. I miss my cat. I miss reality tv. And I kinda miss driving.I will write again soon.